5. What is the meaning of your life and life itself?
Glen Lyon,
Schotland, Praying hands
What has the separation given you, besides everything it has taken away.
LESSONS TO BE LEARNED
You are healed when you can think of the person you are
separated from without intense emotional disturbances. You start living in the
present again, making plans for the future and enjoying what you have.
Welcome to the world of life and love!
AM I GOING TO STAND IN THE FULL LIFE AGAIN AND ENJOY IT?
That is allowed!
(You always have a choice: Do I go for it again, or do I get
stuck in my negative emotions, sadness, pain, fear, anger.)
There is no right or wrong!!!!
You will never forget your ex partner. He/she will always
have a place in your heart.
You could repeat the meditation with the white rose.
And then radiate this Rose to your loved ones, and to the
relationships that you have not experienced as loving in your life.
What is happening now?.......
Ask yourself: (notebook)
1. What are the advantages of being alone!!!!!.......
2. What do you desire at this moment?.......
3. What do you need?.......
4. Where can you get that?.......
Seek support where you still need it……..
You are going to reorganize your life, listen to your inner
voice. We cannot “own” anyone.
The past sometimes produces a full garbage bag; you can
throw it away, otherwise it will stink.
Close your eyes, think of all the negative thoughts and
painful memories, put them in the garbage bag and throw it away.
Or buy a helium balloon and let it float away with
everything in it that you still want to let go. Bye!
You have choices about where you put your energy. Use them. Do you
dwell on the past, or do you continue with your life.
If your ex-partner is still constantly on your mind after
about a year, you can try the following:
1. Meditation:
Relax. Pick up your ex and carry him/her on your back all day long, in
everything you do…….. Do you feel how tiring that is, how much it takes from
you strenght?....... Put him/her gently down somewhere, say goodbye intimately
and lovingly, turn around and leave…….. Crying is allowed……..
Repeat this until it no longer affects you emotionally and
you can easily leave him/her in a loving and warm environment. Where you can
always visit each other again.
2. Or write a letter to your ex-partner: What I still wanted to tell
you...... Express your feelings that still occupy you.
You are alive NOW. Try to let go of the past and the future.
You are more than the woman or man, the parent or partner. You are very much
alive. Look at your whole life, not just at one part. And look at what is
happening in the world.
Is your glass half empty, or half full?.......
3. Director: If
you are depressed one day, think about: What am I doing, what am I feeling,
what am I thinking, what am I saying…….. Are they positive or negative?.......
If you transform one of these four energies into positive actions, feelings,
thoughts, or words, the rest will change along with it.
As a director, you keep control over your life in your own
hands. You decide!
4. Take your notes from day 3 The
quadrant again. What did you write down there?
And how is your flag now?....... What has changed?.......
Create a balance in the quadrant between the elements:
Physical
Emotional
Mental
Spiritual
Throughout life, we all get scratches on our soul, scars. No
one can escape them. We cannot avoid them.
You can thÃnk about what you can
learn from these trials, so that you can find a way to a satisfying life…….. If
you can do that, you are purified. These are our life lessons. And you have
taken another step and are richer in experience.
If you cannot let go, but hold on
to the past, you will not find new fulfillment in your life.
Promises to someone else can be
disastrous.
How
is that with you? Do not live too
rigidly in the spirit of your ex. Enjoy for two!
5. Take a sheet of paper, your
notebook and make a list with 2 columns:
In
the left column, write down all your thoughts, your actions, your feelings on
one day……..
Then see if these were positive
or negative energies. Put a + or a – behind them……..
Where you have put a – sign: write in the right column how
you can transform this thought, words, action or feelings into a more positive
approach…….. (You can do it, you want to do it, and you do it.) By consciously
looking at yourself in this way, you can change yourself to a more positive
stream of thoughts……..
6. Be kind to yourself. Try to keep to your life rhythm as much as
possible. Do not neglect your health. Eat well and exercise regularly. What are
the good memories in your life?....... Put things into perspective.
7. Life has the purpose that you give to it yourself. What is your purpose in life?....... Who do you want to
be?....... Have you become who you always wanted to be?.......
8. You deserve to experience the meaning of your life again
and to enjoy your life again.
Get your notebook out again.
Write down another 10 things
you like to do. These can be
small things like 1. Sitting down quietly and drink a cup of tea or coffee. Or
2. Singing under a warm shower. 3. Going to the movies or theater. 4. Walking
in nature. And so on.
Life = changing. Walk on, even through hell, don't sit
still. But do not run, look around you……. Take the time to process step by
step, bit by bit…….
Keep on the journey without end! Those who resist change,
become paralyzed. In other words: it is necessary to keep developing, to
evolve. You will always remain connected to your ex through your (past) love,
whether or not also through your children. In order to remain vital, the
intention is that you go with the flow of changes.
From time to time you will still experience sadness and
pain. Nothing can completely take away that damage.
Imagine: What would it be like for your ex if he/she could
see how being separated affected you?.......
And turn it around: how would you react……. Wouldn't you wish
that the other person would be happy without your direct presence, and vice
versa that you would be happy again with new life experiences?.......
ACTION PLAN -
Self-realization
1. Life cycle 0 - 90? Take your notebook and draw a long line. Divide
that line into pieces of 10 years
10 20 30 40 50 and so on. What memories have you made in
your life?...... Write them down…….. Were they nice, or less nice experiences?.......
Add a plus or minus.
Look at old photo albums if you have them. That way memories can come back more quickly.
And also look at the years that you probably still have to
go here on earth. What would you still like to do?....... What haven't you
gotten around to yet?.......
2. Look back at your life,
what have you done……., what haven't you done……., what would you have liked to
do……., what is your life’s work?....... Ask yourself: who am I……., what do I
want……., what can I do……, which things are valuable…….. What do I want to say
yes or no to…….. (Saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself!)
3. What fun things do you want to plan for
the coming year……..
4. What do I want with my
life / work?....... Where am I
now and where do I want to go?.......
5. What are my qualities…….,
what am I good at…….. What have I achieved?....... What did I actually want to
achieve?....... Try to realize that after all.
6. Make time for yourself.
Then you will finally get around to things that there was no room for before........
7. What are your desires /
needs / wishes?....... ……. …….
8. Do you still have
frustrations; what is the background to them?....... How do you solve them?.......
9. What does your social
network look like, find out who is important to you…….. Who do you
have daily/weekly/monthly contact with?....... Talk to them to get support……..
Or make new contacts, for example through a (line)dance club, cycling club,
walking club, sports club……..
10. Do new things…….,
save new memories; you can turn a page in your life book with that. For
example: look for volunteer work.
11. Live more in the now,
instead of in the past or in the future. Then you can feel and listen to
yourself better……..
12. Self-confidence:
Can I trust myself, ask yourself a question and wait for an answer from your
inner guidance (your intuition)……..
13. Self-esteem:
Can I appreciate myself?....... What do I still want to improve?.......
Build in moments of silence
every day: that gives peace, overview, access to energy, brings you to
yourself, your intuition, inspiration, knowledge and healing.
Stay in your center, (ground yourself……., stand or sit in
the eye of a hurricane…….), there you will find peace, away from the chaos in
the world.
14. Midlife crisis = a second (psychic) birth, where you can open
yourself to inner development possibilities. Up to the age of 45 you are more
outwardly oriented.
15. What are you grateful
for?.......
Take small steps that can help you continue your life
without your former relationship. (My grandfather would say: “not a handful but
a country full”, when a childhood love was over. It put things into perspective
and give a smile on our face.)
A new life awaits you and the future will bring you much
more.
Treat yourself to small pleasures: a cup of tea, a bunch of
flowers, a nice bath/sauna, good food.
Help someone else who is feeling down.
The sadness is never completely over. A shadow (scar)
remains.
One day you will hear yourself singing again, laughing. You
can concentrate better, your thoughts wander less. You are less entangled in
your emotions, in fact, you can transform them. You can experience life as
deeper and richer. Enjoy it. You have worked hard for it!
Believe in yourself:
do not judge yourself as good or bad. Open yourself up and use all your
qualities (such as love, gentleness, compassion, a listening ear). Look in the
mirror, see who you are: Good morning tiger,
Emiel Ratelband would say. What kind things would you like say to yourself?......
You make yourself stronger by doing so!
Time does not heal wounds. People heal wounds. Time is only
healing if the mourner has used it to give the loss a place, instead of denying
it, pushing it away or postponing it.
When you are completely done with it, you can burn your
notes if you wish. It is then a closed chapter in your life that you leave
behind, while you move on.
--:--
PEERS : You
could look up on the internet websites where peers find each other for extra support.
And where you can make contact with people dealing with the same issues, like
divorce fights.
