5. What is the meaning of your life and life itself?

 5. What is the meaning of your life and life itself?

 

Glen Lyon, Schotland, Praying hands

 

What has the separation given you, besides everything it has taken away. 

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED

You are healed when you can think of the person you are separated from without intense emotional disturbances. You start living in the present again, making plans for the future and enjoying what you have.

Welcome to the world of life and love!

AM I GOING TO STAND IN THE FULL LIFE AGAIN AND ENJOY IT? That is allowed!

(You always have a choice: Do I go for it again, or do I get stuck in my negative emotions, sadness, pain, fear, anger.)

There is no right or wrong!!!!

You will never forget your ex partner. He/she will always have a place in your heart.

 

You could repeat the meditation with the white rose.

 

And then radiate this Rose to your loved ones, and to the relationships that you have not experienced as loving in your life.

What is happening now?.......

 

Ask yourself: (notebook)

1. What are the advantages of being alone!!!!!.......

 

2. What do you desire at this moment?.......

 

3. What do you need?.......

 

4. Where can you get that?.......

 

 

Seek support where you still need it……..

 

You are going to reorganize your life, listen to your inner voice. We cannot “own” anyone.

 

The past sometimes produces a full garbage bag; you can throw it away, otherwise it will stink.

 

Close your eyes, think of all the negative thoughts and painful memories, put them in the garbage bag and throw it away.

 

Or buy a helium balloon and let it float away with everything in it that you still want to let go. Bye!

 

 

You have choices about where you put your energy. Use them. Do you dwell on the past, or do you continue with your life.

 

If your ex-partner is still constantly on your mind after about a year, you can try the following:

 

1. Meditation: Relax. Pick up your ex and carry him/her on your back all day long, in everything you do…….. Do you feel how tiring that is, how much it takes from you strenght?....... Put him/her gently down somewhere, say goodbye intimately and lovingly, turn around and leave…….. Crying is allowed……..

 

Repeat this until it no longer affects you emotionally and you can easily leave him/her in a loving and warm environment. Where you can always visit each other again.

 

2. Or write a letter to your ex-partner: What I still wanted to tell you...... Express your feelings that still occupy you.

 

You are alive NOW. Try to let go of the past and the future. You are more than the woman or man, the parent or partner. You are very much alive. Look at your whole life, not just at one part. And look at what is happening in the world.

 

Is your glass half empty, or half full?.......

 

3. Director: If you are depressed one day, think about: What am I doing, what am I feeling, what am I thinking, what am I saying…….. Are they positive or negative?....... If you transform one of these four energies into positive actions, feelings, thoughts, or words, the rest will change along with it.

As a director, you keep control over your life in your own hands. You decide!

 

4. Take your notes from day 3 The quadrant again. What did you write down there?

 

And how is your flag now?....... What has changed?.......

 

Create a balance in the quadrant between the elements:

 

Physical

Emotional

Mental

Spiritual

 

Throughout life, we all get scratches on our soul, scars. No one can escape them. We cannot avoid them.

 

You can thínk about what you can learn from these trials, so that you can find a way to a satisfying life…….. If you can do that, you are purified. These are our life lessons. And you have taken another step and are richer in experience.

 

If you cannot let go, but hold on to the past, you will not find new fulfillment in your life.

 

 

Promises to someone else can be disastrous.

 

How is that with you? Do not live too rigidly in the spirit of your ex. Enjoy for two!

 

 

5. Take a sheet of paper, your notebook and make a list with 2 columns:

 

In the left column, write down all your thoughts, your actions, your feelings on one day……..

 

Then see if these were positive or negative energies. Put a + or a – behind them……..

 

Where you have put a – sign: write in the right column how you can transform this thought, words, action or feelings into a more positive approach…….. (You can do it, you want to do it, and you do it.) By consciously looking at yourself in this way, you can change yourself to a more positive stream of thoughts……..

 

6. Be kind to yourself. Try to keep to your life rhythm as much as possible. Do not neglect your health. Eat well and exercise regularly. What are the good memories in your life?....... Put things into perspective.

 

7. Life has the purpose that you give to it yourself. What is your purpose in life?....... Who do you want to be?....... Have you become who you always wanted to be?.......

 

8. You deserve to experience the meaning of your life again and to enjoy your life again.

 

Get your notebook out again.

Write down another 10 things you like to do. These can be small things like 1. Sitting down quietly and drink a cup of tea or coffee. Or 2. Singing under a warm shower. 3. Going to the movies or theater. 4. Walking in nature. And so on.

Life = changing. Walk on, even through hell, don't sit still. But do not run, look around you……. Take the time to process step by step, bit by bit…….

Keep on the journey without end! Those who resist change, become paralyzed. In other words: it is necessary to keep developing, to evolve. You will always remain connected to your ex through your (past) love, whether or not also through your children. In order to remain vital, the intention is that you go with the flow of changes.

 

From time to time you will still experience sadness and pain. Nothing can completely take away that damage.

 

Imagine: What would it be like for your ex if he/she could see how being separated affected you?.......

And turn it around: how would you react……. Wouldn't you wish that the other person would be happy without your direct presence, and vice versa that you would be happy again with new life experiences?.......

 

 

ACTION PLAN - Self-realization

1. Life cycle 0 - 90? Take your notebook and draw a long line. Divide that line into pieces of 10 years

10 20 30 40 50 and so on. What memories have you made in your life?...... Write them down…….. Were they nice, or less nice experiences?....... Add a plus or minus. 

 

Look at old photo albums if you have them. That way memories can come back more quickly.

 

And also look at the years that you probably still have to go here on earth. What would you still like to do?....... What haven't you gotten around to yet?.......

 

2. Look back at your life, what have you done……., what haven't you done……., what would you have liked to do……., what is your life’s work?....... Ask yourself: who am I……., what do I want……., what can I do……, which things are valuable…….. What do I want to say yes or no to…….. (Saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself!)

 

3. What fun things do you want to plan for the coming year……..

 

4. What do I want with my life / work?....... Where am I now and where do I want to go?.......

 

5. What are my qualities……., what am I good at…….. What have I achieved?....... What did I actually want to achieve?....... Try to realize that after all.

 

6. Make time for yourself. Then you will finally get around to things that there was no room for before........

 

7. What are your desires / needs / wishes?.......   …….   …….

 

8. Do you still have frustrations; what is the background to them?....... How do you solve them?.......

 

9. What does your social network look like, find out who is important to you…….. Who do you have daily/weekly/monthly contact with?....... Talk to them to get support…….. Or make new contacts, for example through a (line)dance club, cycling club, walking club, sports club……..

 

10. Do new things……., save new memories; you can turn a page in your life book with that. For example: look for volunteer work.

 

11. Live more in the now, instead of in the past or in the future. Then you can feel and listen to yourself better……..

 

12. Self-confidence: Can I trust myself, ask yourself a question and wait for an answer from your inner guidance (your intuition)……..

 

13. Self-esteem: Can I appreciate myself?....... What do I still want to improve?.......

 

Build in moments of silence every day: that gives peace, overview, access to energy, brings you to yourself, your intuition, inspiration, knowledge and healing.

 

Stay in your center, (ground yourself……., stand or sit in the eye of a hurricane…….), there you will find peace, away from the chaos in the world.

 

14. Midlife crisis = a second (psychic) ​​birth, where you can open yourself to inner development possibilities. Up to the age of 45 you are more outwardly oriented.

 

15. What are you grateful for?.......

 

 

Take small steps that can help you continue your life without your former relationship. (My grandfather would say: “not a handful but a country full”, when a childhood love was over. It put things into perspective and give a smile on our face.)

 

A new life awaits you and the future will bring you much more.

 

Treat yourself to small pleasures: a cup of tea, a bunch of flowers, a nice bath/sauna, good food.

 

Help someone else who is feeling down.

 

The sadness is never completely over. A shadow (scar) remains.

 

One day you will hear yourself singing again, laughing. You can concentrate better, your thoughts wander less. You are less entangled in your emotions, in fact, you can transform them. You can experience life as deeper and richer. Enjoy it. You have worked hard for it!

 

Believe in yourself: do not judge yourself as good or bad. Open yourself up and use all your qualities (such as love, gentleness, compassion, a listening ear). Look in the mirror, see who you are: Good morning tiger, Emiel Ratelband would say. What kind things would you like say to yourself?...... You make yourself stronger by doing so!

 

Time does not heal wounds. People heal wounds. Time is only healing if the mourner has used it to give the loss a place, instead of denying it, pushing it away or postponing it.

 

When you are completely done with it, you can burn your notes if you wish. It is then a closed chapter in your life that you leave behind, while you move on.  

 

 

--:--

 

 

PEERS :  You could look up on the internet websites where peers find each other for extra support. And where you can make contact with people dealing with the same issues, like divorce fights.